A particular student was driving me crazy. During most of the fall, she’d storm into my final period every day, slamher backpack on a desk, and shoutthat she hated my class, wasn’t stupid, and didn’t belong in the class(eighth-grade reading intervention). She refused to do anything, and skirted the border of being disruptive. Week after week, I’d try to connect with her (I’ll call her T.), but she put up a big wall around herself. In response, I felt myself closing up. What I honestly thought was: “You’re going to be difficult. Fine. I don’t care either, just be quiet.”
Then in early winter, a little incident helped me find a wellspring of empathy for T. And what I learned was that cultivating empathy for others—for my students, colleagues, supervisors—helped me feel better. It helped me have more energy. It helped me manage challenges.
The Power of Empathy
Often discussed as something that we might do (or perhaps should do) to be a good person, feeling empathetic helps us make connections with others and understand them better. It’s different from having sympathy for someone, which means to look at their suffering from the outside and feel sorry or sad for them. Empathy is feeling someone else’s pain or seeing through their eyes. It’s also a precursor to compassion, which is empathy in action—a commitment to doing something that relieves someone else’s suffering.
But here’s another reason to foster empathy for others: Experiencing empathy can make your own life better. Empathy can open your heart, letting in more feelings, but also softening some of the tough experiences. As we build empathy for others, we understand them more and can connect with them differently, which boosts our resilience—the ability to bounce back after challenges.
Here’s what happened with T. I asked students to do a quick write-in response to this prompt: “If a genie could grant you one wish, what would it be?”T. wrote about a genie who would buy her new clothes. She wrote about how she was growing out of her clothes, and her family didn’t have money, and she was ashamed to come to school every day in pants that she knew didn’t fit and bursting out of her shirts. She’d had a major growth spurt, she wrote, and all she wanted were clothes that fit.
“What must that be like,” I thought, “for a 13-year-old-girl?” I remembered my own early adolescence. I imagined myself in her clothes. I felt some of what I imagined she might feel.
I wrote back a short message communicating empathy. She responded and told me about her sick grandma and her mother who was developmentally disabled. I wrote back. She responded and shared more. She still came into class with a temper, but it dissipated much quicker. And I noticed that her temper didn’t trigger me as much, that I actually smiled genuinely at her, and that I could authentically say, “It’s nice to see you today.”
Empathy for others doesn’t always lead them to change their behaviors—and we can’t expect it to. We can only hope that in exploring the rough terrain of empathy within ourselves, we can learn more about others and ourselves.
There are many ways we can cultivate empathy for others. Here’s one activity to try: Identify someone who bothers you, who you are having a difficult time with. This could be a student, a colleague, or a boss. Discreetly attempt to take a photo with your phone of the person’s shoes. If you can’t do this, then pay attention to their shoes and make a mental note of them, or even create a sketch.
Throughout the course of the day, imagine being in this person’s shoes. Use whatever knowledge you have about them to imagine them putting on their shoes in the morning, getting to school, going through their day, leaving school at the end of the day, going home, and so on. At the end of the day, record your reflections. What was the experience like? How did you feel? How did your thoughts and feelings about the other person shift?
Empathy is about opening your heart. I know that this can feel difficult, but I also know that our hearts can hold a lot. Teachers have many opportunities to do this, and developing empathy as a practice can actually make our work as educators easier.
FAQs
Empathy can open your heart, letting in more feelings, but also softening some of the tough experiences. As we build empathy for others, we understand them more and can connect with them differently, which boosts our resilience—the ability to bounce back after challenges.
Why is empathy so powerful? ›
Empathy allows you to deepen your relationships as you connect with friends' and loved ones' thoughts and feelings, and they connect with yours. Empathy can extend to people you don't know as well. If you saw someone sitting alone at a party, for example, you might empathize with their loneliness and chat with them.
What is the true power of empathy? ›
Empathy is an essential leadership skill and a cornerstone of good relationships—but it can be hard to access when it's most needed. Luckily, empathy is also a learnable skill. With mindfulness, empathy has deescalated conflicts, combated loneliness, and built human connections in the most unlikely places.
What are the 3 types of empathy? ›
Empathy is an enormous concept. Renowned psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have identified three components of empathy: Cognitive, Emotional and Compassionate.
What are the 4 rules of empathy? ›
4 Steps to Practice Empathy from Dr. Brene Brown
- Perspective taking. ...
- Staying out of judgment. ...
- Recognizing emotions someone else is feeling. ...
- Communicating that you understand an emotion. ...
- I put together a video which talks about this in more detail.
According to the APA definition of compassion, it's a strong feeling of relating to another person's suffering, sorrow, or distress while having a natural desire to comfort or help. It doesn't just feel empathy; it goes the extra mile by taking into context ways to help an individual with what they need to get better.
What is a true empath? ›
An empath is a person highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them. Empaths feel what another person is feeling at a deep emotional level. Their ability to discern what others are feeling goes beyond empathy, which is defined simply as the ability to understand the feelings of others.
What is the golden rule of empathy? ›
The Golden Rule can be expressed positively: 'Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. '
Can empaths read minds? ›
Unsurprisingly, there's no science suggesting empaths can actually read your mind, talk to the dead, or predict earthquakes. Take things with a pinch of salt from here on out and enjoy your trip into modern folklore.
Can empaths sense danger? ›
Discernment to Sense Threats
We can turn this ability on and off, especially when we need rest and relaxation. We aren't always on, reading people, situations or energies. However, if there is a threat, that will come through and the empath can lead people to a safe place or direct security to the threat to handle.
Two psychological terms particularly associated with a lack of empathy are sociopathy and psychopathy. Psychopathy, which comes from the Greek roots psykhe, which refers to the mind, and pathos, which means suffering, has shifted in popular meaning over the years, but it has always been associated with mind sickness.
What is a dark empath? ›
“A dark empath is a person who basically has the cognitive knowledge of empathy—they know how to relate to somebody, they know how to understand if someone's going through something or is feeling something—but they don't know how to follow through with any actions,” says Alyza Berman, L.C.S.W., founder and clinical ...
What type of empathy do narcissists lack? ›
Subjects with NPD may experience those problems with affective empathy because they feel others' emotions as threatening and dangerous and react with detachment to preserve their own personal integrity.
What is the block to empathy? ›
What Blocks Your Ability to Practice Empathy?
- ONE: You are triggered. Things don't happen in a vacuum. ...
- TWO: You are overwhelmed. Yup, you are busy, stressed, have little capacity at the moment to really be mindful. ...
- THREE: You might have some feelings you are not yet aware of about the situation.
Compassion is the intention to be of benefit to others. When we're compassionate, we step away from empathy and ask ourselves how we can support someone going through challenges and difficulties.
What are the 7 keys of empathy? ›
She summarizes the facets of this program, “Seven Keys of E.M.P.A.T.H.Y. ® ,” using the word as an acronym for: Eye contact, Muscles of facial expression, Posture, Affect, Tone of voice, Hearing the whole person, and Your response.
Why is empathy stronger than sympathy? ›
This is because sympathy only offers surface-level understanding. It doesn't allow you to see from someone else's perspective. On the other hand, empathy lets you walk in someone else's shoes. As a result, you can better provide what they really need.
Why empathy is the most important trait? ›
Beyond developing personal connections and being empathetic for the sake of being a good person, empathy is important in leadership at work because it increases trust, communication, and a sense of worth for team members. Top companies across industries agree that empathy is the most important leadership skill.
Why empathy is the best trait? ›
Those with high levels of empathy are skilled at understanding a situation from another person's perspective and reacting with compassion. Empathy in the context of the workplace simply means that your people are able to establish true, empathetic connections with one another that enhance relationships and performance.
Why is empathy the most important value? ›
Empathy will help you understand your co-workers, family and friends better. You'll be in a better position to effectively lead and inspire others, as well as develop more caring and compassionate relationships. Empathy is a valuable attribute that enhances overall cooperation, respect and understanding.
