I left twice, because the first time I left, I was naive enough to believe him when he made it seem like my leaving was a big wake up call for him to change the way he was acting, and asked me to come home.
The first time, I went to a women’s shelter. I didn’t like the idea, because I had no idea what it was like, and I expected it to be something like a homeless shelter, only with just abused women as the residents. It was actually nothing like that, and I would recommend that anyone who is in need of shelter from an abusive situation should look into this as an option. It’s typical for DV shelters to be a single family house, with around ten people living in it. Shared living room and kitchen space, and a bedroom with maybe another person or two in it.
They typically offer considerable amounts of help with getting the things a person coming out of a dv situation tends to need. Everything from clothing and toiletries and a gift certificate for a haircut so I looked decent at job interviews, to help with transitional housing, therapy, a support person to go to any court dates involving the abuser so I didn’t have to worry about facing him alone.
Like I said, I went back. (The average amount of times an abused person returns to their abuser before leaving for good is actually pretty shocking. Something like eight times?) It didn’t take long before I realized that I made a mistake by doing so.
The second time I left, I was in a little bit of a different position. I was completely sure that I was doing the right thing for myself and my son, and I actually planned to leave, instead of just running when I reached a breaking point. I reached out for help from others, pretty much put the word out that I was leaving my sons dad, and needed to find a place to rent, furniture to put in the place, and someone to help me with babysitting for an hour or so after school while I was at work.
It was very humbling to see the amount of help that came from out of the woodwork when I said that I was leaving a toxic relationship. A woman I know who has been like a grandmother to my son found me a rental. It’s not the best house, but it’s the cheapest rent I have ever seen, and she waived the security deposit in exchange for fixing a couple things. A couple agencies/ people that knew about the situation helped me with getting the stuff I needed for the house, everything from pots and pans, to a couch, to beds and bedding. My exes mom called me every single day to offer support and encouragement. My manager at the restaurant I worked for helped me get hired at the same restaurant, owned by a different franchise.By the time I left, I was beyond broke, because he did a lot of stuff to delay my move and mess with my finances. I had a place to go, and I had a job, however sh*tty it was, once I got there. So I went, and used food from food banks, and I dI know that this is a long comment. Probably a lot more information than what you were asking when you asked where I went. But I want OP and any other person that is thinking about leaving an abusive relationship to be able to see that it’s not hopeless, and that they CAN get out. The thing is, people want to see others get out of these horrible situations. There is help, there is a way out. It’s not always easy, and it can be scary. but it is so so worth it. Life’s so much better when you’re allowed to do things like getting to know yourself and your likes and dislikes again. When you know that you’re not going to have to walk on eggshells in your own home anymore. When you’re not being torn down or neglected by the person who is supposed to be lifting you up. And knowing that if you have children, you’re not teaching them to accept this kind of relationship for themselves as they grow up.
You (OP and anyone else in this sort of situation) can do it.
